i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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