I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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