So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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