Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
