There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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