In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
