remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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