yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
