1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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