I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
