I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
