From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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