best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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