3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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