apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
