i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
