My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
