I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
