I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
