Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
