please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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