there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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