Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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