Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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