I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
