I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
