yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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