sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
