either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
