It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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