Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
