They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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