I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
