i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
