I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
