I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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