when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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