Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
