You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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