Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
