I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
