How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
