So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
