so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
