shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
