No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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