There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
