Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
