There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
