you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
be right there i have to get my cape
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
