he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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