Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
