I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
